i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
