I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
