my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
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What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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