I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
