so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
