bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
