when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
