Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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