he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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