Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
