when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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