Welp...herpes.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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