im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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