I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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