but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
