So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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