i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
