So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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