we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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