I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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