Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
