I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
