I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.