So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night