Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
