the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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