a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize