there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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