oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize