u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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