My friends, they love my intelligence
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
