I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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