I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
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