The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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