i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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