I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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