he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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