I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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