We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need a beard to bite.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
