with your own penis?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
