Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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