sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
