he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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