its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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