A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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