booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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