I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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