Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
