sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
