he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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