so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
