I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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