at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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