i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
