For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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