The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
