i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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