Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
