its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
