Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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