My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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